Transparency

My word for 2018.

As many of you know each year I ask God for a word to live by beginning in January. 2017 was the year of gratitude and that word was extremely helpful as I navigated the hardest year of my life. When God gave me this one for 2018 I literally went back to Him AT LEAST 5 times and said, “are you sure, I’d really like a different one,” but He continued to confirm my word for 2018 is transparency. And so friends, this will be the year where I will share some very personal things that our family was just not ready to publicly share last year. My posts will have to be very thought out and edited and I will have to run them by Andrew because this involves him the most, so the story will come out in small bits over the course of the year. Please be kind as I will be sharing intimate details of my family’s lives. As my mentor Pam has said so many times over the years, “The ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie.” So here we go in 2018, sharing our truth. Stay tuned….more to come soon(ish).

The word Transparency appearing behind torn brown paper.

To my VERY 3 year old Vaughn

To my quirky, likes things “just so” Vaughn Emerson,

Well dolly, this is LATE. Life got very in the way of my letter writing in October when I lost my job and then got a new job ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. Yes it was a crazy couple weeks, but all is well now. All that to say, sorry, for not getting your three year old letter written.

You, my little one, are a HANDFUL. I adore you more than words could ever say. Your smile is one of the sweetest sights on this Earth. You are super funny, this will most likely be a trait that gets you in trouble once you start kindergarten. We all have a very hard time keeping a straight face when you are being naughty because you do it in the most hilarious ways.

You are a creature of HABIT. Everything must be EXACTLY the way you like it or a 20 minute tantrum ensues. You spend a lot of your life on the floor screaming because I just can’t keep up with all the things you have to have a certain way. The most annoying one endearing one is the way you have to go to the bathroom. You must go to the bathroom, I must wipe, then I must wash my hands, then I have to turn of the light AS you flush the toilet. As soon as you flush I am required to hold your hand and run through the house for the amount of time the toilet is flushing. If I do not execute this PERFECTLY everyone in the neighborhood is notified by your massive screaming meltdown. The same is true for opening and closing the garage door. Basically you make me want to never leave the house and not give you any water so none of these situations present themselves. I’m kidding I give you tons of water.

You are very much a mama’s girl, you do not allow anyone to help me with anything when it comes to you, which I’ll be honest is absolutely exhausting. The funny thing about motherhood though, sweet girl, is no matter how much you exhaust me or how frustrated I feel with you, I miss you ALL DAY LONG. When I’m at work, my heart is with you and your sister. I think about what you are doing, how you are feeling, wishing I could pick you up from school and know every little thing about your day. You are a GIFT in my life and I thank God for you every day that he found ME suitable to be the mother of you.

Love you FOREVER,

Mama

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To My Preschool Girl

To my Vaughnie on the night before Preschool,

Oh Vaughn, tomorrow you start the next chapter in your childhood, PRESCHOOL. You are so ready, you have been asking what your teacher’s name is since Ellery started school a few weeks ago. Your teacher’s name is Ms. Heather, but you pronounce it Ms. HeFFer which cracks us all up. You are excited about your backpack, puppy dog lunchbox and new shoes. You did very well at Meet the Teacher night and they found you very sweet.

I hadn’t had time to think about you starting preschool until tonight. Up until today I just looked at it as something that had to happen NOW. I unexpectedly needed to start a new job outside the home and therefore preschool was happening at the perfect time possible. Tonight while we snuggled in bed pretending like it was a boat and a car and snuggling your babies it hit me that tomorrow is the beginning of your life outside of me. You will suddenly have this whole world that I’m not part of. New friends, new experiences, new adults you will trust and love. It’s a GOOD THING, but it’s also the end of a chapter for us.

I am genuinely excited for you! I think you will enjoy making new friends and I can’t wait to see how much you learn and grow this year. I pray you always know how much I love you and that you feel safe and happy in your new environment!

Love you FOREVER

Mama

PreK Vaughn

To Ellery Wynn on her First Day of Kinder

To my brilliant, kind, considerate, and confident Ellery Wynn,

Today, my sweet girl, I walked you into your HUGE new school, walked you down hallway after hallway holding your hand so tight and feeling like it was impossible that this day had already arrived. It was time for me to hand you over 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, almost 200 days out of the year to another woman to care for you and teach you. We held it together, you and I didn’t shed a tear, but both of our hearts hurt as we peeled off of one another and I forced myself to walk down the hall away from you.

It has been my absolute honor, privilege and also, sacrifice, staying home with you the past 5 years. It was my dream from the time I was a little girl to be a stay at home mom and I feel absolute gratitude that I got to be with you the majority of the time in your formative infancy and pre-school years.

We had a good run kiddo, we played, imagined, snuggled, read books, made friends, went on countless outings, got to know each other, taught each other a lot. We taught each other SO MUCH about life, love, selflessness, how to slow down and soak up the joy of an ordinary day. I will NEVER regret the years we spent together and I know I will look on them with complete fondness forgetting about all the hard days and remembering only the highlights.

This year I feel led to focus on helping teach you how to make friends, but more importantly how to BE a friend. Our back to school dinner last night focused on that theme and this year we will be committing this verse to memory and focusing on living it out: Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. I will commit to being a better friend too this year.

I will miss you each and everyday. Your sister missed you so much today she repeatedly, in a very sad voice, said, “I lost my Ellery.” We will all adjust. We will settle into our new normal, but for now I’m going to take some time to mourn the end of a beautiful chapter in our relationship. I am excited to watch this next chapter unfold, learn new things about you and enjoy this phase.

I love being your mom and I will LOVE YOU FOREVER!!

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Summer 2017 Week 6

Quite possibly MY favorite week of summer so far! Monday we had a friend over for a playdate and we just laid low the rest of the day, except Kindergarten camp of course (we don’t miss those). I was spent after the weekend and decided we just needed to do nothing. Tuesday was a very long day, but all super fun. The parade in the morning, brunch at my brother’s and then a pool party/birthday party in the evening. No fireworks for us this year, I’m thinking maybe next year I’ll sneak away with Ellery and let her enjoy the fireworks, but this year I decided normal bedtime was the way to go!

Wednesday we did family night. Dinner at home and then playing at the park. The girls are finally at the point where they can both pretty comfortable play on the bigger playground. We had the park to ourselves and the girls constantly slid down the slide together. Thursday I let the girls watch TV basically the ENTIRE day so I could get the house picked up and sort of clean before Steph and Cora arrived. The girls anxiously awaited their arrival and stood at the window beginning over an hour prior to them actually getting here. Then we let them stay up really late and play dress up.

Friday we got to go to a pool party with some of my mom’s group ladies. It is a very cool natural looking pool with a water fall, the girls had a blast, and Stephanie was a total champ swimming with all three girls! After we swam we took them to our favorite burger place (P.Terry’s) to play in the sand, which upon arrival we discovered it was SCALDING hot and they were unable to play in the sand. Mom fail on that one….

Saturday we RAN THEM RAGGED!! Started our day playing at the Thinkery. It was a CRAZY busy morning with the most people I have ever seen there. Then we ran home and put Vaughn down for nap and hopped on the boat. Then the girls were DONE. Steph put Cora down for bed and then we headed out for dinner at one of my favorite scenic places. Then of course we ended up at Target wandering the aisles until they closed.

Sunday we went to church and then decided to just ALL take naps to reset ourselves. Stephanie and I were up until 1:30 every night she was here. After naps we went swimming for a little bit and then to the Sundancer Grill for our last dinner of vacation.

Already counting down the weeks until we see each other again!

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Summer 2017 Week 5

The week started out with us RUNNING and we hit a point on Wednesday where we cancelled everything and stayed home. Ellery wants to be in a school type camp every week of the summer. I found one to send her to for this week, but it put me in the car for two hours a morning. I had a carpool situation worked out, but then on Tuesday she came home telling me she had several stomach aches during the morning and I decided on Wednesday we were going to lay low, we ended up never going back and we are now beginning the process of navigating tummy probs…… they are very similar to what I had when I was a kid so potentially goodbye dairy, fried foods, anything processed and eating out (or at least those were my main triggers).

On Monday Vaughn worked out with me in the morning, (as you can see she has some big muscles in the picture below). Ellery went to a Space themed VBS and then that afternoon attended Kindergarten camp at the library (she still loves this so much). After nap we headed to our friend’s house for a playdate where they had a great time playing with playdoh and I enjoyed having adult conversation!

Tuesday for family night I made dinner at home and then we played Dominos with the girls. The girls played playdoh while I made dinner and I laugh at how I swore I was going to keep all the colors separated and teach my girls to do so, then I actually had children and realized I don’t care about them staying separated at all.

Wednesday we just cancelled all plans and stayed home. The girls watched TV most of the morning and then had a playdoh playdate over Facetime with Cora. Technology is the best, they played for over an hour with a friend who is 1,000 miles away! That afternoon we lounged at the pool for a bit. We were thrilled to get to the pool after several days of storms in the forecast.

Thursday I took Ellery to see Bonzo Crunch the clown at the library. She belly laughed so much of the show and he was decently impressive. He juggled pizzas (fake), hooked and unhooked hangers, read a book about Olivia at the circus and was super silly. I love my Thursday afternoons when I just get to hang with Ellery.

The weekend was packed full. We went to dinner with Mimi on Friday. Saturday morning I took the girls to the library for a patriotic story time, then Andrew took them swimming while I helped my mom get a little more settled into her house and in the afternoon, my DAD ARRIVED. Saturday and Sunday night we had cookouts at my brother’s house. My mom offered to watch the girls Sunday afternoon so I could go boating and it was a much needed break on the lake! It is SO NICE to have my parents living right down the street. I love that we can just pop over for an hour, they have already helped out with the girls a bunch for random little things and knowing that my kids will grow up around them always is such a beautiful thing.

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Summer 2017 Week 4

This week we had another VBS, this time it was at our church and I was a crew leader so I could spend the week with Ellery. It was rather exhausting, but I’m glad I got to experience Bible school with her this one time. I doubt my schedule will allow for it again, so I tried to soak it up this year. The theme was Maker Fun Factory and Ellery loved it! Her little friend Kaydence was in our group and they had a great time together.

For Superhero day I told Ellery we didn’t have anything that would work, she proved me wrong and figured out an outfit. I just adore her creativity! Tuesday nights are our family night, it also happens to be Hat Creek Burgers half price night. We grabbed burgers, went to pajama story time and then the girls danced until we were all in stitches, they have some hilarious dance moves.

Wednesday night was the family night at VBS, they served dinner and Kona Ice, had a bounce house and water inflatables, we had a lovely evening and it was a great way to beat the heat! Ellery memorized Ephesians 2:10 without me knowing it and went up to the stage to recite it. I was super proud of this little lady. She is such a Bible lover and I am inspired by her in this way.

On Thursday after VBS we went to see Critterman at the Library. When he pulled out the “really impressively large cockroach” my only thought was, hmmm I think I’ve had one that big in my house before. One of the downsides of living in Texas, the bugs are HUGE. Ellery really enjoyed seeing the creepy crawly things. Afterwards we headed over to Mimi’s house, yes my mom moved here THIS WEEK (my Dad will follow very soon). It’s been so nice to just pop over and say hi. I finally told my mom today that if she gets tired of her children constantly calling to stop by she can just tell us she’s busy.

Over the weekend I got to have 24 hours off to hang out with my mom so I don’t have pictures, but I know the girls had a great time with Andrew at the Thinkery. Whenever we are there I tell them there are certain things dad would be much better at, so they tried to hit those stations (like the microscopes). I enjoyed the weekend going to dinner, getting pedicures, shopping, and doing a little unpacking with my mom. I am overjoyed that my parents live 5 minutes from me!!!!

Overall week 4 was great. I missed Vaughn fiercely this week while she was in childcare every morning of VBS. I’m in for a rude awakening when my job begins (still waiting on approvals), but I know we will all adjust. She did great, I just am so used to being with her constantly that I felt sad to be apart so much. Counting my blessings this week: sweet friends, close family, a great church, a fabulous library, a postponed job start date that has allowed me so much more time than I ever expected, and still loving my little town!

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Summer 2017 Week 3

Week 3 of summer was off to a slow start. Ellery was at VBS Monday-Thursday so Vaughn and I just played catch up and ran errands, without too much excitement. Ellery did Lake Hills VBS and the theme was Mystery Machine. She LOVED it and we will definitely plan on going back every year! One afternoon Ellery and I spent the afternoon coloring and secretly eating hot fudge Sundaes while Vaughn napped.

Thursday-Sunday we hit the water hard! When it’s nearly 100 degrees everyday the only way we can play outside is if we are in the water. One day we joined our friends at their neighborhood pool and my kids were in love with all of the kid stuff. The other days we hit a local pool and had it almost to ourselves which was delightful!

The girls were ALL about Father’s Day this year and we tried to make it extra special. We were lucky enough to have some boat time in the afternoon, and then pizza, a movie, chocolate cake and ice cream before bed. The girls picked out gifts for Andrew and made extra special cards, they also decorated the box (and were super proud of that).

I felt pretty scattered this week overall. My mom was in town, I was studying for an exam, then had to take the exam and had worship practice the same day. I had to work a couple different childcare situations out in order to get all my stuff done and I felt like I constantly had to tell Ellery and Vaughn no, which was so sad to me after our first two weeks of summer where I felt able to say yes a lot. I have been so fortunate that my job has been taking longer to get started than I expected which has afforded me a lot of time with the girls I didn’t expect to have.

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Summer 2017 Week 2

Summer week 2 was unexpectedly delightful. I was supposed to spend the majority of the week in Dallas for a work training, but that has been postponed. So this week I got to soak up time with both my girls because we had no camps and I had very few commitments.

Monday was one of my favorite days we’ve had in a long time. Ellery is VERY into making cards right now and wrote 30 or more this week, she also made “treasure maps” and hid the cards around the house for us to find. Our library has Kindergarten camp every Monday afternoon and Ellery says that was the highlight of her week. We are going to attempt to go to as many of those as we can, but wrangling Vaughn for an hour and a half in the library as we approach nap time is not exactly my favorite thing (perhaps I’ll pawn Vaughn off and work at the library during camp next time).

On Tuesday our movie theater has free kid’s movies so we hit that up in the morning. We saw Kung Fu Panda 3, which I wouldn’t recommend, but it’s always fun taking the girls to the movies. I was feeling extra generous so we drove through Starbucks and got the girls pirate cake pops. On Wednesday we went to our local burger place (with a sandbox, I know I know, it’s true love I tell you) and bumped into our cousins and that was a fun surprise. Thursday I got a special outing with my big girl Ellery, we went to the library and saw a children’s musician and then came home and baked some cookies.

Andrew took the day off on Friday so the girls got a special treat and Dad came to our afternoon library outing, Circus Chickendog. It was a little strange and not the most well done things I’ve ever seen, but the girls were entertained. We also got to go swimming this weekend which was so nice, the weather has been dry and HOT, so the pool made for a lovely Saturday afternoon.

Tomorrow we are off to the races with a super busy week ahead, but so far we are loving summer break!!

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Summer 2017 Week 1

I am trying to slowly dip my toe back into blogging (I miss it, but my life called me away from it for a season and I’m now a little rusty). I am going to try to do summer week recaps all summer because you know, I’ll blink and it’ll be over.

Summer week one involved Vaughn at her first summer camp! I was a little “meh” about sending her to camp because it was EXPENSIVE for the amount of time she was there, but she came home potty trained so I decided in the end it was worth it. It also purchased her a spot in preschool this fall, so overall I’m glad she went. She was pretty happy to go each day so I would assume she had a good time (she is still not much of a talker).

The beauty of her being in camp was that Ellery and I actually had some one on one time. I had made plans for her to have a playdate while Vaughn was at school so I could study, but in the end cancelled her plans so I could see her more. We went to Whole foods, ran errands, made a list of things she would like for her birthday and went to rolly pollies where I actually got to focus on playing with her instead of watching Vaughn the entire time.

Ellery has asked me for almost two years to go to McDonalds and I finally obliged and took them to get “food” there. She really just wanted to play on the playscape that is visible from the road we often travel. Bonus… the Happy Meals were $1.99 that day so at least I didn’t overpay for the mystery meat ;).

Other highlights of the week: press on nails from Mimi, bubbles, sister snuggles, slumber party with my oldest, news that the bestie and her little are coming in July, and playing at the Thinkery with some friends. We also swam twice at Uncle Bryan’s pool (okay the girls swam, it was too cold for mama).

Overall week one was pretty great. I functioned all week under the post-show funk that was inevitable after going back to high school and having one of the best weekends of my life (I hope to blog about that event soon because I know a lot of people have been curious about what this show was about), but despite my less than perky mood we enjoyed our first week of summer vacation!

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