In 11 hours my love will be home. My husband travels. I don’t talk about it much and I’ll never tell you when he’s gone because it feels unsafe, I feel vulnerable if people outside my close group of friends know when my man is gone. This was the first trip since Ellery arrived where I’ve been alone, my mom was here for his last trip and Elle came at a time when he didn’t have to travel so we were extremely blessed with that. He left Monday morning at 4:00AM and I’ve missed him just about every minute since then.
I used to somewhat enjoy his trips. They gave me a chance to remember who I was before him. That sounds kind of bad, but it was a time when I could meet up with girlfriends for dinner, watch silly movies by myself, do crafts late into the night and never have to consider someone else’s schedule. Don’t get me wrong, I still missed him, but it was bearable. Now that Ellery is here it isn’t so bearable.
When she arrived we became a team. I thought we were a team before, and maybe we were, but nothing like we are now. Every parenting decision is made together, I consult him when she is crying, should I feed her, should I let her cry, should I pick her up? We make decisions together on sleep training, bottles, baths, holding her, getting her out of bed, and the list goes on and on. It is SO FUN to do this parenting thing with Andrew. He is the best dad I could imagine for our little girl and I’m completely smitten when I watch him with her. I have done an entire week of parenting without my teammate and it’s been really tough.
I made a decision that I was going to look at this trip in hours instead of days. I wasn’t parenting 5 days by myself, only 14 hours. Yeah I know that math doesn’t seem quite right, but I figure Andrew is home while she is awake from 5-8 everyday, the rest of the time I’m here alone or she’s in bed. 14 hours, I can do 14 hours right? Well I’m in the home stretch and let me say it hasn’t been easy. Babies are smart, my baby loves her daddy, and my baby knows daddy isn’t home and it’s made for some cranky evenings. We FaceTimed last night while she was screaming and as soon as he started talking she was quiet until I took the phone away and then she was a total wreck. Thank goodness for technology!
I took advice from a wife of a traveling husband, get dressed and go out everyday. Monday we went to the outlets with my brother, Tuesday we drove down to a friends and took a long walk, Wednesday we went to the grocery store, Thursday we went to Mom to Mom and Kohls, and today we might venture out to the other grocery store to get the rest of my list if I’m feeling brave. It definitely helps break up the days, but the evenings are LONG. We’ve taken LOTS of walks in the neighborhood, at least 2 per day, so the exercise has been good for me.
Wednesday night I had to laugh at my situation. Ellery had just cried for an hour which ended in a 30 minutes nursing session, clearly something was off because she is a 10 minute nurser. Once she went to bed I went into my bathroom to get ready for bed to find a “roach” (probably wasn’t actually a roach) on my ceiling. Of course I can’t go to sleep with that critter crawling around so I get the vacuum out. We have 10 foot ceilings, one of the selling features of the house, one of the downfalls when trying to vacuum a bug. So I get the step stool out. The hose still won’t reach while I’m on the step stool so I get Andrew’s luggage and set the vacuum on top of that, I’m about an inch away from reaching and I decide against trying to suck it down because I can just picture it falling on me instead of going in the tube and then I’d be screaming and wake up a baby that had FINALLY fallen asleep. Plan B, broom time, I get the broom from the garage, swat the bug down and then it’s gone. I’ve looked for 2 days for this stupid bug and he is no where to be found. This after our fire alarm started chirping earlier in the day during Elle’s nap where I teetered on top of a ladder with my dad on speaker phone just in case I fell and he needed to call 911. Yeah I know what you are thinking…why didn’t you get the ladder for the “roach,” the answer is I don’t know!
Counting down the hours until our family is reunited again… thankful he has a job and thankful that I miss him!