2nd Pregnancy Thoughts

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The second pregnancy is different.  I’m sure there will come a day, probably soon, where I am physically ready to have a baby.  I’m sure I’ll be miserable, swollen, sleep deprived and so incredibly ready for the birth.  However, I don’t know when I’ll be emotionally ready for Vaughn’s arrival.  There are so many aspects to this birth and family change that didn’t exist with Ellery.  One of which is I’ve had to go to appointment after appointment where they ask me if I am aware that I can die and my baby can die from giving birth this time?  Um yes, but there is a baby inside my body right now and no matter what she has to come out.  I am planning for a VBAC which apparently is not a very popular choice.  I read a statistic last night that only 26% of women choose a VBAC over a planned repeat cesarean.  It finally made sense why people have tried to discourage me from this.  I thought that by choosing a group of midwives I would have a bunch of cheerleaders that would be excited to help me attempt to have the birth I wanted the first time around.  So far this has not been the case.  Instead, surprisingly, the biggest advocate for my VBAC is my OB doctor.

I saw her yesterday and I am feeling SO much better.  She is amazing and a complete Godsend.  We talked over all the options and she reiterated that the safest thing I can do is go into labor on my own and have a VBAC.  The next safest is a planned cesarean and the least safe is to attempt a VBAC and end in a C-section.  So after talking it over with her and Andrew I am feeling like sticking with the VBAC plan that we had from the beginning is my best option for us.  Why this practice of midwives is unsupportive and unfriendly, I have no idea, but there are only 2 “popular” options for VBACs in this town and when I first started out on this journey I wasn’t comfortable with the other option (now I would totally go with the other practice, but it’s too late).  As of today I am officially 8 weeks from my due date and I am nervous to say the least.  I’ve been having contractions throughout the pregnancy and each time I have one I think, “I don’t want to go through labor again,” but I’m sure just like last time I’ll look at my sweet little girl’s face and know that whatever I had to do was completely worth it.

If you are the praying type I have a HUGE request: please be praying that this particular doctor is at the hospital when I go into labor.  I found out today that even though I “chose the midwives” I can use the doctor instead when I get to the hospital and so far my experiences with the midwives have been negative enough that I will likely go with a doctor unless I get the vibe that they are not VBAC friendly.

And now for a few really positive things about my second pregnancy:

1.  I already had stretch marks from Ellery so I haven’t even really thought about getting more, which I’m now finding new ones starting this week and I really don’t care about them.

2.  I don’t have depression and anxiety like a did last time so even though I’m moody like a typical pregnant person it is SO much more manageable and I’ve really been able to enjoy our last season as a family of 3.

3.  The round ligament pain is so much less severe this time around, I guess because they’ve stretched out once already.

4.  Because I was completely not concerned with getting my abs put back together after Ellery I haven’t had that horrible ab ripping feeling like last time, that was so painful the first time around.

5.  Besides the fact that I’m having a VBAC I have been pretty calm about this pregnancy because I have already been through this once and I knew what to expect.  I’ve also been so busy with Ellery that I haven’t thought much about being pregnant and people don’t focus on your pregnancy the second time around because they are focused on that cute kid that you already have.

I’m not saying I would be pregnant a third time, but also as of right now I’m not saying that I wouldn’t.  People have asked if we will try to have a third and the answer is honestly, “I don’t know.”  We’ve always talked about adoption and/or foster care so it really depends on when we feel we should pursue that.

In The Midst of All the Good

When I was originally writing this post in my head the title was In the Midst of All the Bad.  I was going to tell you about all the crappy things going on in my life and how I’ve had a few really positive things happen in the last few days and then I realized it has completely been the reverse.

Just this week: Andrew and I got away for 48 hours while my parent’s watched Ellery and celebrated 6 years of marriage, I had an OB appointment that indicated that everything was great with me and Vaughn, I found a substantial amount of money on the floor of a bathroom…..did everything I could to find the owner and have now taken it as a blessing gift and plan to use it to bless other people.  We transitioned Ellery to her new room and new bed and so far so good, she slept through the night last night and went down for nap without a fight today.  I got to spend several days with our nephew from Austin and got to spend time with both of my brothers.  Ellery’s second week of Wednesday morning daycare was just as great as the first week, she’s loving it and I’m getting tons done during my 4 hours of solitude.  Ellery and I had fun at the zoo this morning eating a picnic lunch and enjoying the Australian Walk About exhibit for the first time.  We got an unexpected gas giftcard in the mail today which will really help us out during a month where we’ve had to drive and will have to drive quite a bit.  And last, but certainly not least, my grandpa had a valve replacement this morning and is doing well.

And in the midst of all this good we found out that last year when we bought our “new” used car, the car dealer sold us a complete lemon and in one year we lost just about $10,000.  Which for some people isn’t a lot of money, but for us, well it’s quite a bit.  This evening we are biting the bullet and becoming VAN people, which I think in the long run we will really enjoy, but in the short run it’s been a tough couple weeks of processing losing that much money and committing to spending a lot when we finally felt like we had a good grasp on our finances and we were getting out of debt.  Every cloud has a silver lining though and it will be so nice to have a van when family comes to visit and when we go to visit family and drive the 18 hours each way.  And this soon to be mom of two is going to be rolling in a Swagger Wagon so I can’t really complain.