The second pregnancy is different. I’m sure there will come a day, probably soon, where I am physically ready to have a baby. I’m sure I’ll be miserable, swollen, sleep deprived and so incredibly ready for the birth. However, I don’t know when I’ll be emotionally ready for Vaughn’s arrival. There are so many aspects to this birth and family change that didn’t exist with Ellery. One of which is I’ve had to go to appointment after appointment where they ask me if I am aware that I can die and my baby can die from giving birth this time? Um yes, but there is a baby inside my body right now and no matter what she has to come out. I am planning for a VBAC which apparently is not a very popular choice. I read a statistic last night that only 26% of women choose a VBAC over a planned repeat cesarean. It finally made sense why people have tried to discourage me from this. I thought that by choosing a group of midwives I would have a bunch of cheerleaders that would be excited to help me attempt to have the birth I wanted the first time around. So far this has not been the case. Instead, surprisingly, the biggest advocate for my VBAC is my OB doctor.
I saw her yesterday and I am feeling SO much better. She is amazing and a complete Godsend. We talked over all the options and she reiterated that the safest thing I can do is go into labor on my own and have a VBAC. The next safest is a planned cesarean and the least safe is to attempt a VBAC and end in a C-section. So after talking it over with her and Andrew I am feeling like sticking with the VBAC plan that we had from the beginning is my best option for us. Why this practice of midwives is unsupportive and unfriendly, I have no idea, but there are only 2 “popular” options for VBACs in this town and when I first started out on this journey I wasn’t comfortable with the other option (now I would totally go with the other practice, but it’s too late). As of today I am officially 8 weeks from my due date and I am nervous to say the least. I’ve been having contractions throughout the pregnancy and each time I have one I think, “I don’t want to go through labor again,” but I’m sure just like last time I’ll look at my sweet little girl’s face and know that whatever I had to do was completely worth it.
If you are the praying type I have a HUGE request: please be praying that this particular doctor is at the hospital when I go into labor. I found out today that even though I “chose the midwives” I can use the doctor instead when I get to the hospital and so far my experiences with the midwives have been negative enough that I will likely go with a doctor unless I get the vibe that they are not VBAC friendly.
And now for a few really positive things about my second pregnancy:
1. I already had stretch marks from Ellery so I haven’t even really thought about getting more, which I’m now finding new ones starting this week and I really don’t care about them.
2. I don’t have depression and anxiety like a did last time so even though I’m moody like a typical pregnant person it is SO much more manageable and I’ve really been able to enjoy our last season as a family of 3.
3. The round ligament pain is so much less severe this time around, I guess because they’ve stretched out once already.
4. Because I was completely not concerned with getting my abs put back together after Ellery I haven’t had that horrible ab ripping feeling like last time, that was so painful the first time around.
5. Besides the fact that I’m having a VBAC I have been pretty calm about this pregnancy because I have already been through this once and I knew what to expect. I’ve also been so busy with Ellery that I haven’t thought much about being pregnant and people don’t focus on your pregnancy the second time around because they are focused on that cute kid that you already have.
I’m not saying I would be pregnant a third time, but also as of right now I’m not saying that I wouldn’t. People have asked if we will try to have a third and the answer is honestly, “I don’t know.” We’ve always talked about adoption and/or foster care so it really depends on when we feel we should pursue that.