Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Because I know people are curious and are trying to be as polite as possible I thought I’d just write a post about what is going on and what the plan is.  Today I am 11 days past my due date.  Last Wednesday I went to my doctor’s appointment and found out I was not inducible.  I didn’t know it was possible to be 41 weeks pregnant and not dilated even the slightest bit, but it is.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor I immediately scheduled a c-section for this Monday (today).  My doctor works today and I love her and trust her and have never met another doctor in the practice.  I knew if I waited until I hit 42 weeks on Thursday to do the c-section I would have a stranger operating on me and after a bit of a traumatic c-section last time Andrew and I felt like we should just schedule with our doctor. We were seeing the midwife on Wednesday and she scheduled us for a meeting with my doctor for that Friday.  I went home, slept on it, got up,  read about zero dilation at 41 weeks and changed my mind.  I went in Friday and before my doctor could say anything I blurted out, “I changed my mind, I don’t want the c-section on Monday.”

I know a lot of people have negative opinions about doctors, and are very pro-midwife for VBAC mama’s.  I will say that my doctor is my biggest advocate.  She came in prepared to try and talk me into waiting until 42 weeks and was really glad I had made the decision on my own.  I told her that I felt that if I did the c-section before 42 weeks I would regret it immediately.  She told me that one of her family members had just done a repeat c-section at a little over 41 weeks and basically immediately regretted not waiting.  (This is to say NOTHING against people who don’t VBAC and choose the repeat c-section, it’s just we have been planning a VBAC for nearly a year and she didn’t want me to regret my decision.  Birth is a personal decision and I respect how each person chooses to bring their babies into the world.)  One really cool thing that happened was we found out in this appointment that the hospital was booked Monday and Tuesday for c-sections so Wednesday would have been the earliest I could have had one anyway, so it was not even like I had to make a decision.  It felt very much meant to be.

I told my doctor I was really nervous about doing a c-section with a stranger and she told me she would come in ON HER DAY OFF and do it for me Thursday morning (which is the day I turn 42 weeks).  I couldn’t believe she would do that for me.  She also is willing to cater to my requests.  Skin to skin immediately, letting the cord pulse out before clamping, lowering the curtain so I can see her come out (or using a mirror, but I’m not sure how I feel about that), not having my arms strapped out to my sides, and having a spinal done instead of an epidural (because feeling the doctor cut me open was the worst part last time).  This is called a baby centered or mother centered cesarean.  A cesarean is not at all what I want, but if it comes to that at least it will be the best possible scenario for a not so great scenario.

What does this all mean?!?!?  I will be holding our sweet Vaughn Thursday at the latest.  I’ve done my best to stay positive through this process.  I wear a smile on my face because I decided that being nasty or sad all day wasn’t helpful and people tend to avoid people who are like that.  To be honest I feel pretty bummed everyday, and teeter back and forth between having hope that I will have the birth that I want and accepting that I am having a c-section on Thursday.  I feel good physically and if I didn’t have to have her in the next 3 days to escape the c-section fate I probably would be doing better mentally.  And yes I know SOME doctors let you go past 42 weeks, but our practice only goes until 42 weeks and Andrew and I are comfortable with that.  I feel like God knows that Thursday is when I have to have her and he can choose for her to come before that if he wants me to have a VBAC.  It’s possible his plan is for me to have a repeat c-section for a reason that we can’t understand.  So if Thursday rolls around and we have a planned c-section I will be ok with that, maybe not immediately, but at some point I will be ok with that.  I have had my heart set on delivering today all week so that’s where my prayers are focused today.  Thankfully my friends know how hard this time is for us and have been awesome with asking me to do things and making us dinner.  We’re so thankful for the distraction and help!  Looking forward to posting pictures of our beautiful babe this week!!!

 

How I’m Currently Dealing

Oh the ticking time bomb phase….I never dealt with this before and I always dreaded it.  Will I wake up tonight in labor?  Will my water break while I’m out shopping?  Because I’m no longer sleeping will I have the energy to do this when the time comes?  I have tons of what ifs running through my mind about when and where labor will begin.  Then it hit me today, labor is like the stomach flu.  You never know when it could hit, you could be anywhere, but it does start with just feeling yucky and then it gradually progresses until you are puking your brains out.  That’s how I’m assuming labor will happen.  It’ll start kind of slow, I’ll have light contractions for awhile that will build until she comes out.  I will have enough warning to get home from wherever I am and then it’ll get bad enough that I’ll know to go to the hospital.  If my water breaks without warning, well I guess I’ll have a funny story to tell about how I flooded the aisle at Target.  Just as you don’t plan your life around getting the stomach flu, I’m not planning my life around possibly going into labor.  I just booked an appointment for Ellery to get pictures taken for her Nana tomorrow, maybe we’ll make it to this appointment, maybe we won’t, but I’ve decided that’s how I’m going to deal with this phase of pregnancy.  I’ve also been in postpartum clothes purchasing mode.  I purchased two pairs of these leggings today from apricot lane, and this sweater, this tee, and these jeans from Old Navy.  They should be here in 7-9 business days and I’m REALLY hope I’m actually in the post-partum phase at that point.  I’m also crossing my fingers that they will fit decently well shortly after the birth…I sized up on all of them (except the leggings which are one size “fits all”).  And for the VERY few people who follow the blog, but don’t follow me on instagram or Facebook here is hopefully my last belly picture, taken today at 40 weeks.

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I’m Due On Thursday

This is a whole new World for this pregnant lady.  When people ask me now,”so when are you due?”  My response is Thursday.  That’s pretty weird for this mama who was induced 3 weeks before her due date last time.  For some women this is the point where they dread people asking them when they are due, for me it feels like a major victory.  My body hasn’t failed me yet and I feel like it’s an answer to so many people’s prayers.  If you’ve been praying along with us so far I want to start by saying thank you, and then I want to ask you to stick with us a little longer and lift up some specific requests that I have for the impending birth.

1.  The number one thing I want prayer for is our SAFETY.  Regardless of how the birth turns out, whether it’s exactly what I’ve been hoping and praying for or if it goes completely different than I want, the ultimate goal is healthy mom/healthy baby.

2.  If you’d like to pray for the IDEAL birth for me please be praying for the following:  My water wouldn’t break until I’m pushing, Andrew and I would have a joint “knowing” of when it’s time to go to the hospital, Vaughn would be heads down and perfectly positioned, and I could avoid any kind of medical intervention.

3.  Please pray against FEAR.  I have had major surges of fear this time around and then also incredible amounts of peace.  I woke up this morning with the cramping type contractions and thought “oh yeah, I remember this part, ok we can do this.”  It was such a confidence booster to have a little prep session to remind me what it was like last time.  I forget that things start slow and progress, and your body has some time to ease into things.  I’m looking forward to letting my body do what it was made to do.

4.  Please be praying for all the LOGISTICS to get worked out.  It’s very different this time around because we have a 2 year old to worry about.  I want to labor at home as long as possible, but also don’t want to freak my child out, she is very concerned if I’m ok all the time.  I want my parents to get here in plenty of time and I really don’t want to call people with false alarms, especially in the middle of the night.  We have incredible friends here who are prepared to come over at any hour, but I would hate to call them at 3:00 in the morning only to send them home because I stopped contracting.

5.  Please pray for my sweet HUSBAND.  He was such a trooper last time when we had a marathon induction and c-section, but this time there are whole new elements because I’ve never labored without medical staff around and I’m sure it’s a little nerve wracking (especially when he hears stories of people not making it to the hospital in time and delivering babies on their floors or in the car).

And last, but certainly not least.  Please pray that she comes by OCTOBER 26th.  That’s 10 days past my due date and at that point we will have to have some conversations about what we are going to do to get this little sweetie out of my body.

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To My Only Child

To My Only Child Ellery Wynn,

This is the last letter I’ll write to you while you have the title of only child.  Soon you will be my “oldest daughter” or “big sister.”  Everyone asks how I think you will do with a baby in the house.  I used to say that I really had no idea, but then over the last few months I’ve seen you interact with babies and children younger than you and I can honestly say I’m optimistic.  I think you will do fantastic.  You are really good about not touching babies, just leaning over to look at them with your hands behind your back and showing genuine concern for them when they are crying.  You are such a great helper.  We have a little boy join us one day a week and you cater to him like he is your responsibility, you are constantly getting his blanket and lovey and bringing it to him.  You have shared your toys much better than I ever expected and when he is around we don’t have any tantrums or tears.  Now, I have no expectation that you will be perfect, but I do think we will have some really good days where it’s a lot of fun to play with Vaughn together and I’m sure there will be days when you would prefer to just have mom to yourself for a little bit.  I promise you I will do my best to balance both of these.  For months I have been so worried about how you will feel to not be the center of attention all of the time and I have finally made the shift to looking forward to having you both during the day and going through the newborn phase with you by my side.  I’m pretty sure you will think Vaughn is pretty neat and you will be a big helper when it comes to getting things we need, singing her songs, making her laugh and adding tons of joy to our day like you always do.  In the past few months you have become extremely independent.  We hear you say, “I do it myself” countless times a day.  We don’t dare try putting you in your carseat anymore because we have learned that this creates at least a 10 minute screaming/back arching session.  I wonder how it will be when Vaughn arrives, I figure you will either want to do EVERYTHING, including all baby tasks too, or you will decide that because she is completely dependent, you need to be completely dependent too.  Let’s cross our fingers you choose wanting to be helpful.  You have such good ideas, and are a great pretender.  I really enjoy listening to you play with your toys.  This past week you found a piece of tissue paper, laid it on the floor, and told me you were having a picnic, so we ate lunch on your “blanket.”  You seem so old to me sometimes and yet others I look at you and see the little baby that you were 2 years ago.  I have LOVED having you to myself all day the past two years, but I’m also excited to share you with your little sister because, to be honest, you are too awesome not to share!

Love you forever!!!

Mama

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