Because I know people are curious and are trying to be as polite as possible I thought I’d just write a post about what is going on and what the plan is. Today I am 11 days past my due date. Last Wednesday I went to my doctor’s appointment and found out I was not inducible. I didn’t know it was possible to be 41 weeks pregnant and not dilated even the slightest bit, but it is. After I picked my jaw up off the floor I immediately scheduled a c-section for this Monday (today). My doctor works today and I love her and trust her and have never met another doctor in the practice. I knew if I waited until I hit 42 weeks on Thursday to do the c-section I would have a stranger operating on me and after a bit of a traumatic c-section last time Andrew and I felt like we should just schedule with our doctor. We were seeing the midwife on Wednesday and she scheduled us for a meeting with my doctor for that Friday. I went home, slept on it, got up, read about zero dilation at 41 weeks and changed my mind. I went in Friday and before my doctor could say anything I blurted out, “I changed my mind, I don’t want the c-section on Monday.”
I know a lot of people have negative opinions about doctors, and are very pro-midwife for VBAC mama’s. I will say that my doctor is my biggest advocate. She came in prepared to try and talk me into waiting until 42 weeks and was really glad I had made the decision on my own. I told her that I felt that if I did the c-section before 42 weeks I would regret it immediately. She told me that one of her family members had just done a repeat c-section at a little over 41 weeks and basically immediately regretted not waiting. (This is to say NOTHING against people who don’t VBAC and choose the repeat c-section, it’s just we have been planning a VBAC for nearly a year and she didn’t want me to regret my decision. Birth is a personal decision and I respect how each person chooses to bring their babies into the world.) One really cool thing that happened was we found out in this appointment that the hospital was booked Monday and Tuesday for c-sections so Wednesday would have been the earliest I could have had one anyway, so it was not even like I had to make a decision. It felt very much meant to be.
I told my doctor I was really nervous about doing a c-section with a stranger and she told me she would come in ON HER DAY OFF and do it for me Thursday morning (which is the day I turn 42 weeks). I couldn’t believe she would do that for me. She also is willing to cater to my requests. Skin to skin immediately, letting the cord pulse out before clamping, lowering the curtain so I can see her come out (or using a mirror, but I’m not sure how I feel about that), not having my arms strapped out to my sides, and having a spinal done instead of an epidural (because feeling the doctor cut me open was the worst part last time). This is called a baby centered or mother centered cesarean. A cesarean is not at all what I want, but if it comes to that at least it will be the best possible scenario for a not so great scenario.
What does this all mean?!?!? I will be holding our sweet Vaughn Thursday at the latest. I’ve done my best to stay positive through this process. I wear a smile on my face because I decided that being nasty or sad all day wasn’t helpful and people tend to avoid people who are like that. To be honest I feel pretty bummed everyday, and teeter back and forth between having hope that I will have the birth that I want and accepting that I am having a c-section on Thursday. I feel good physically and if I didn’t have to have her in the next 3 days to escape the c-section fate I probably would be doing better mentally. And yes I know SOME doctors let you go past 42 weeks, but our practice only goes until 42 weeks and Andrew and I are comfortable with that. I feel like God knows that Thursday is when I have to have her and he can choose for her to come before that if he wants me to have a VBAC. It’s possible his plan is for me to have a repeat c-section for a reason that we can’t understand. So if Thursday rolls around and we have a planned c-section I will be ok with that, maybe not immediately, but at some point I will be ok with that. I have had my heart set on delivering today all week so that’s where my prayers are focused today. Thankfully my friends know how hard this time is for us and have been awesome with asking me to do things and making us dinner. We’re so thankful for the distraction and help! Looking forward to posting pictures of our beautiful babe this week!!!